Clouds lift my eyes to the heavens
where hope takes my cares
far from me.
Clouds lift my eyes to the heavens
where hope takes my cares
far from me.
Have you ever had a day where the color of life has been washed out?
It feel as if one has no reason to get out of bed, go for a walk, take a picture, write a line or see anyone.
I‘ve had my blanched days. It matter not what colors exist around me. I can’t even seem to squeeze a drop of mellow yellow into my half-fill glass of life.
All I can do is wait and pray for the blood of color to flush back into my soul and I can feel happy once more.
In the mean time, I breath and exhale as I do my duties, feeling powerless and all alone.
Sometimes, Im not sure why I go through pale days for I have no real reason to feel this way. Then a moment comes when something grater than me reveals the purpose, that it’s to understand and then help a friends or a family member when they experience similar lifelessness days.
The goodness of living out my day without color is, the desire to persevere actually grows and I become an overcomer again.
For I knows what colorful days are like and what they bring, which is much more than a reason to only exist.
It may be tomorrow, but eventually a rainbow of colors will flush into my empty soul and the purpose to love returns, empowering my will to live on.
Even thou I wish these days would never come again, I know they will. But when they come with a full force of oppression, I will bring out my stepping stones of reliance in the faith that has pulled me through knowing this day and time will come to an end.
My hope lies in the One who brings life from a seed to create beautiful color around me.
Change is something I prefer to avoid. Especially when life is calm, peaceful, good and happy.
Who wouldn’t? Right?
Yet, I want to live well, love family and friends, and see the world. Wouldn’t you?
If I live well, I must adapt to new diets, exercise, sleep and continue to learn for my body cannot stop changing. It will not wait for me to want to eat more fruit and veggies, go for a walk, rest my tire back, or learn something new. Age waits for no one, not even the healthy, happy and harmonious people. Gray hair comes like a foreign specimen which hasn’t been call to appear. Not exactly sure how it came to me, for I know I’m still only thirty-three.
In college, when my hair was naturally brown, I could eat a large pizza all by myself. My husband can testify to this truth. When he asked me out on a date and he only ate one piece, he thought he wouldn’t be able to afford me. In those days, I ate what ever I wanted and still held my weight at a hundred pounds or less. Not true today. But I won’t go there, not now.
As for loving family and friends, it’s wonderful to be around them when they agree with my point of view. But when the moods changes, behavior explodes, and choices causes disagreements, well that crystal clear lake of love suddenly has become very murky.
When my kids were young and hugged me, my soul sang, “Do it to me one more time.” But when they became teenagers and rolled theirs eyes at me, my mouth wanted to sing, “Do it to me one more time,” plus a few EXTRA words.
Now, about seeing the world, just let me chose the time, place and cost. Please don’t narrow the selection for me. Yet circumstances, which are out of my control, has a way to meddle in my personal planner and dictate where, when and how much I can spend.
Life has a way of placing me in challenging scenarios which I don’t welcome with open arms. For my hands are usually on my face holding my jaw in disbelief, or wiping my tears from the misfortune. Growth can’t stay calm, peaceful, good and happy all the time. Otherwise it will stink like a lake which never gets rained on or disturbed by the wind. Life will then becomes lifeless.
Stagnant and change can’t coexist.
I’ve learn to not only accept change, but to anticipate the goodness which comes out of the adversity. It does come, along with the uncomfortableness. Letting go of what once was wonderful, is never easy. Tears will drown your soul, sleepless nights will hold you captive and long miserable days will seem hopeless. In time, new growth brings a smile, soon joy returns and finally peace is found once again.
There’s always a choice, it’s call free will. I could hold on to what I had and not accept the change. The only things is, sadness will consume my soul. And, I would miss out on what lies before me, new growth. If the eyes of my heart will always look back at what once was, I can’t see the beauty or accept the goodness which is being restore to me.
My gaze must not remains in the past, otherwise, I will become a bitter person and end as a pillar of salt.
I WELCOME CHANGE, BUT AT TIMES I GRIT MY TEETH
Why did you call me?
What did you want me to see?
Is there something I should hear you tell me?
Deep in the forest
Away from many to see
The pureness of your color
Pulled my soul next to thee
Like an angelic light
You floated above a grassy sea
Not allowing to be overshadowed
By rows of giant aspen trees
When I saw you
My heart rejoiced with glee
But my soul couldn’t hear
What you had to say to me.
I’m back at my place
admiring your beauty
And as I sit
I hear you speak into me.
“You are much like me. You’ve been place to grow among well-known and talented writers, who overshadow you in your mind.
Learn from me. Don’t let that stop you from revealing what you were created to be. Your uniqueness is the light which will draw others to your stories.
Develop them and place them out there for any soul to read. Those who are meant to be touch will carry your words close to their heart.
Once they’re home, they too will know how important they are among their tall trees and grassy sea.
Let’s hope, they will also believe in their light which pulls others to come close enough and reveal who they have been created to be.”
Since I posted this small article above, on Facebook, many questions related to doubt, insecurities, lack of confidence or ability filled my mind. Thinking, they wouldn’t bother me, I hushed them with another task in hopes to write on my novel soon. But I didn’t write anymore.
What I realized, was that those questions became white noise, which placed my confidence and creativity to sleep. Time ticked away and before I knew, my husband called to tell me he was on his way home from work.
Where did my writing time go? What did I do with those hours? Did I really fall asleep?
It’s not that I actually slept, but my scars of past failures combine with the white noise kept me believing I needed more exercise to warm up. Plus the desire to visit my followers on Instagram and Facebook distracted me from getting to my actual writing.
I’ve discovered, that my abilities and strengths lie among my failures and insecurities. As new failures come which will confirm my insecurities, they will overshadow my desire to improve and overtake my tenacity to do my job well. Unless, I keep writing. My writing trims away those thoughts. which, I know they will never go away.
The question is, will I listen to the cries of my insecurities or will I place them in the corner while I work. Usually, when I don’t pay attention to them, the cries diminish and the white noise is replaced by the music of doing. I have developed a method which work for me, on most days.
My routine is much like how I taught High School Math. Have a warm up exercise, which is my Instagram and Facebook postings. Teach the lesson, for me is review what I’ve learn as I add to the plot of the scene or chapter. Then I practice, which is the actual writing. Before my writing section ends, I review- edit and plan for tomorrow by jotting one word ideas, sentences or an actual paragraph.
What I’ve found out is, my abilities are always among the false insecurities. But they don’t yell, not until I sit and write. Then I hear, “See, you are more than capable. You already believe, now it’s time to sit and do the work without distractions. Unless, the distraction is use to your advantage.”
How can a distraction be use to assist my writing? Distractions are weights for my mind. It exercises the mental muscle as I apply what my mind sees. A concept develops or a feeling emerges.
Photos, is my ultimate distraction. They unearth ideas which bring alive emotions. But, at the same time, they consume my creative juices for edits capture my interest instead of allowing myself to write.
What keeps you from doing what you were created to do?
Do you know what you were created for?
What I was created for has changed through out my life. I became a teacher, a wife, a mother and now a writer/photographer. I am all these today. How did I find out I was created to write? Well, events took my breath away or cause a tear to roll down my cheek and I began to write about what I felt inside of me. But, it came in the form of story telling. Now I’ve learn that showing is much better than telling. Beside no one wants to be told what to do. But showing is teaching.
If you don’t know what you were created to do, start the search with what stirs your soul and/or what stings your heart like a splinter that can’t be removed unless you create.
Oh, by the way, doing is creating.
It matter not if one writes, takes photos, cooks, lift weights, walks or laughs with one’s family. It’s not all about a finish product like a blog or a picture. It’s the process of doing something that builds and changes.
It’s about living and giving as one receives.
What have you received lately? Nothing?
Give of yourself and you will receive.
Did I hear you say, “I have nothing to give?”
You have your breath. Ask yourself, how am I to use this bit of energy I have today?
Will it be used in a positive manner or negative? It’s our chose, no one else.
Keep in mind abilities are found among our insecurities.
ORDINARY ~ There are times, I feel like a tree stump: useless, unimportant, without purpose or with nothing to offer.
When I do, I can’t write any more, for the flow of creativity dries up like a crumbled riverbed in the desert.
That’s where I found myself on this day. I soon hear that small voice say, time to go outside. I did.
Ordinary tree trunks stood out at the start and end of my jog. As soon as I passed them, I knew I had to go back and take a picture. But, I didn’t know why.
Tonight as I looked over these photos, I heard God tell me:
Often you see yourself as these tree trunks forgotten, without worth or value. But now that you’ve taken these pictures and turn them into art, trust me with your insecurities.
Allow me to turn them to something spectacular. Then when others see what I’ve created with them, they will find hope and a reason to continue to exist.
They too will see their unique purpose in the mist of what surrounds them.