Change is something I prefer to avoid. Especially when life is calm, peaceful, good and happy.
Who wouldn’t? Right?
Yet, I want to live well, love family and friends, and see the world. Wouldn’t you?
If I live well, I must adapt to new diets, exercise, sleep and continue to learn for my body cannot stop changing. It will not wait for me to want to eat more fruit and veggies, go for a walk, rest my tire back, or learn something new. Age waits for no one, not even the healthy, happy and harmonious people. Gray hair comes like a foreign specimen which hasn’t been call to appear. Not exactly sure how it came to me, for I know I’m still only thirty-three.
In college, when my hair was naturally brown, I could eat a large pizza all by myself. My husband can testify to this truth. When he asked me out on a date and he only ate one piece, he thought he wouldn’t be able to afford me. In those days, I ate what ever I wanted and still held my weight at a hundred pounds or less. Not true today. But I won’t go there, not now.
As for loving family and friends, it’s wonderful to be around them when they agree with my point of view. But when the moods changes, behavior explodes, and choices causes disagreements, well that crystal clear lake of love suddenly has become very murky.
When my kids were young and hugged me, my soul sang, “Do it to me one more time.” But when they became teenagers and rolled theirs eyes at me, my mouth wanted to sing, “Do it to me one more time,” plus a few EXTRA words.
Now, about seeing the world, just let me chose the time, place and cost. Please don’t narrow the selection for me. Yet circumstances, which are out of my control, has a way to meddle in my personal planner and dictate where, when and how much I can spend.
Life has a way of placing me in challenging scenarios which I don’t welcome with open arms. For my hands are usually on my face holding my jaw in disbelief, or wiping my tears from the misfortune. Growth can’t stay calm, peaceful, good and happy all the time. Otherwise it will stink like a lake which never gets rained on or disturbed by the wind. Life will then becomes lifeless.
Stagnant and change can’t coexist.
I’ve learn to not only accept change, but to anticipate the goodness which comes out of the adversity. It does come, along with the uncomfortableness. Letting go of what once was wonderful, is never easy. Tears will drown your soul, sleepless nights will hold you captive and long miserable days will seem hopeless. In time, new growth brings a smile, soon joy returns and finally peace is found once again.
There’s always a choice, it’s call free will. I could hold on to what I had and not accept the change. The only things is, sadness will consume my soul. And, I would miss out on what lies before me, new growth. If the eyes of my heart will always look back at what once was, I can’t see the beauty or accept the goodness which is being restore to me.
My gaze must not remains in the past, otherwise, I will become a bitter person and end as a pillar of salt.
I WELCOME CHANGE, BUT AT TIMES I GRIT MY TEETH