Woke-up Apprehensive

20180430_082513.jpgLord, calm my troubled spirit.

Apprehension woke me. Why? I had no clue.

When my spirit sends alarming signals before my brain fully awakes, panic usually follows. Worry sketched out memories of past hurts, disappoints or troubled times. Like a bulging suitcase, those experiences erupted screams in my head, causing a migraine. Before I knew it, they run rampant like rudely, undisciplined children. Past disasters resurrected, wracking my morning with darkness. I didn’t want to face the day.

In a prayer, I sent and SOS to the Lord before worry dresses my heart with apprehension. But panic opened the gate and I began to wonder, what have I forgotten to take care, which child is facing hardships, or will an  old issue poke its head to destroy the peace and joy I have?

I wondered, why was my spirit troubled?

Then I asked the Lord, “What should I have done to prevent this unsettling feeling within me? Would being more watchful over my self instead of others, praying instead of playing, listening instead of photographing nature, time meditating instead of social media?

Something within me said, you should have been more astute. Astute, is not a word I use. I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking. I looked up the word, for I really didn’t know what it ment.

Then I heard, “Prepare yourself for the turbulence that’s coming.”

I asked, ” Lord, is this message from you?”

A confirming feeling came over me. Then, I knew why my soul was troubled.

The unpacked past issues came to mind again. I couldn’t stop them from painting their sketched images and adding a new possible scenario. Once, I sat down to journal the annoying voices were hushed away.

I was thankful, my Lord warned me or else apprehension would have come along and chained me with the heaviness of fear and the cloud of confusion.

A question entered my mind, is this really from God?

I stopped writing, I prayed, if this message is from you Lord, keep me astute, Then I will be watchful and ask you to help me when worry, apprehension, anxiety, confusion and fear crowd to enter my mind and fall into my heart. Please don’t allow me to become crippled by these hindrances and enslave me again.

After my prayer, my room became brighter as if the sky became bluer and the morning sun shined bright into the space I sat. Yet, the light gray blanket of clouds covered the sky and blocked the sun. Then I felt a warmth, much like the sun in summer landing on my back.

I told myself, if God permitted this disturbance to come my way today for my growth. Then I reminded myself of who held me, Jesus, He will protect and guide me as I lived on. Then the Holy Spirit led me to the verse in Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

Today, May 6, I remind myself, trust God’s process, remain faithful and give no room for doubt or fear to reign. As soon as they show their presence, run to Jesus for help.

Fear was a god in my life, who I would obey without me realizing it. I listened and reacted to its triggers. But now those triggers send me to Jesus.

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By Day By Night

By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.
Psalm.42:8 NIV
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God,

My heart and spirit know the words of these verse are true. When I face dissapointments and my heart cracks from the hard pressures of life I hold the hope you’ve placed in me as a child.

Your Son, my Lord Jesus Christ, directs his love like ever flowing river reaching me. It is also true for any soul.

Could you please lead those souls who need you to the closest river to them. I pray they will go and bath in the Lord’s love and forgiveness.

When they step out from the Lord’s river, I pray they too will be encouraged and hold tightly to the hope you provide.

Then when night comes whether its because its time for the stars to shine or the night of the soul, they’ll have a song in their heart of your truths and promises.

May the song become a testimony of their life with you!

Because, I know you will never let them go, just like you have not released me from your loving arms.

Day in, day out, I hear you say to my heart, “I am yours and you forever will be mine.”

Thank you for what you are doing for us.

In Jesus powerful and blessed name I ask. Amen.

With Open Minds and Hurting Hearts

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WITH OPEN MINDS AND HURTING HEARTS

One can see God’s truth inspite of sickness and death sweeping love ones from our grasp.

“I pray that God will open your minds to see his truth. Then you will know the hope that he has chosen us to have.

You will know that the blessings God has promised his holy people are rich and glorious.

And you will know that God’s power is very great for us who believe.”
(Ephesians 1:18-19 ERV)
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His power can comfort without human understanding.

His power can heal hearts without human involvement.

His power can strengthen without human encouragement.

Know the hope, God chose for us to have.
Know the blessing, God gives to us freely.
Know the great power, God uses for us as believers.

Even when one is not healed and the Angel of the Lord comes to take love ones from this world, we can know the hope, the promises the power of God are all available for each one of us, his holy people.

 

Look and Wait for Truth

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LOOK AND WAIT FOR TRUTH ~ Before taking any steps of action based on present feelings, God can lead and teach one to find peace, joy and hope in the uncertanty of tomorrow.

Psalm 25:5 Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.

It isn’t easy waiting on a result one can’t control. And honestly, many time it isn’t easy waiting on the Lord to work things out for us, my husband, me, my kids, family or dear friends.

But, every time, the answer, solution or remedy comes. Not always what I expected, but always something that was the best under the circumstances for the individual or individuals involved.

Only in time I’ve seen the many benefits on allowing God to lead me and teach me in my waiting periods which have been many even till today.

He has always come through. Many times God shows up through friends. Or an unexpected invitation to go explore, fish and fellowship with others.

God is teaching me the importance of staying involved with caring and loving people in my life. He’s leading and teaching me into building lasting relationships with deep roots and with plenty of room for growth.

Without dear friends, like Lori, I would not only have a void and sleep days away, but struggle to remain strong in my storms.

Grateful to know Lori and her husband, Jeff. They are a blessing in my husband and my life.

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God, Do Not Correct Me In Anger

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DON’T EVER WANT GOD’S CORRECTION IN ANGER

I know, LORD, that our lives are not our own.
We are not able to plan our own course.
So correct me, LORD, but please be gentle.
Do not correct me in anger, for I would die.
— Jeremiah 10:23-24 NLT

Both methods of correction come from God, gentle or in anger. Yet, we don’t want to hear of God’s correction in anger.

We’ll sit and listen as we are told, taught and preached of “God is Love” and His gentle ways of correction.

But, when God’s righteous anger is taught or felt, questions form in our hearts. Why me? Doesn’t God love me? Doesn’t He care how much it hurts?

His tough corrections seem uncaring, unloving and unbearable. We then want to flee from God. If you are a parent, you understand the need of tough love. God does as well.

When the hard, painful and challenging discipline of God comes, it’s only to correct our rooted, stubborn, and corruptive ways.

For these deep, seeded habits lead us away:
from producing the fruits of the Spirit,
from those who love and care about us,
from the gentle discipline of God.

It’s actually leading us to the cliff of self distrution because we have been deceived.

Others suffer from our ungodliness, is not only self. Those who are the closest to us, who’s God’s love is been sent through, our children, our spouce, our parents, our friends will also be hurting. But that heartache comes from our distance from God.

Ultimately, the realtionship with our Lord becomes foreign. We then become foreigners among our own family, friends and the family of God.

When you feel the hard discipline of God, run to him, ask for his forgiveness and for his gentle ways of correction.

Go to your family ask them to forgive you and help you to be restore physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Be among people of the faith and ask for their council as God restores you.

He truly loves you, or he wouldn’t pursue you and correct you in His righteous anger.

Once you are no longer are a foreigner in your own home, watch how God’s blessings began to bloom around you and around your family.

Then you will understand how the joy of the Lord becomes your strength. God will turn your stubbornness to firmness in Him. Your sorrow to joy. Your troubles to blessings.

When you face disceptions again, you will see their true form, thiefs. For they come to steal, kill and destroy.

God’s discipline does come in a gentle touch and in a strong, yet firm hand, because he does care for His own.

Standing Firm

20190506_092450_2.jpgSTANDING FIRM ~ means to recall the truth and anchoring my soul to the freedom I have in Christ, my Lord.

When the wind of setbacks comes, bringing the yoke of slavery, I’ll stand firm on God’s promises.

Then, in Christ, past burdens of insecurities and doubts will be blown, right passed my heart and mind.

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
– Galatians 5:1 NIVSta

Happy May Day

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HAPPY MAY DAY
Wether the sun is shining beautifully or clouds blanket the sky, the earth sends it messages of warmer days to come.
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May flowers will be sent to family and friend reminding them of what’s on the way.
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Many will begin preparing for barbecuing camping, boating, fishing, hiking and spending time in the outdoors rejoicing in the sun.
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Before the gathering of people and the buds fully bloom, we’ll want to get rid of what we acquired during fall and winter time. Therefore spring cleaning and fitting into that swim suit must get accomplish.
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While we strive to exist with less, lets remember one thing to have lots more of. . . time with family friends and with God.
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Two of the three may not be near, but they are just a message or a call away.
 
In the meantime let’s keep these words of wisdom in mind as we pull weeds, trim bushes, rub off grass stains from cloths, go for a run and wash our windows clean;
“The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever.”
Isaiah 40:8 ESV
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Because, all summers do end, the grass will wither and the May flowers will fade, we must remain in God’s word. It’s the one thing which is everlasting.
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May the Lord rubb and wash away what keep his light shining in and through us. May He pull and trim the things which cover our hearts and keeps his showers of blessings from reaching us. May he work us out to get rid of what weight us down then we can wear the proper spiritual clothing.
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Once He showers, dresses and lights us may the fruits of the Spirit bloom wildly within us like flowers on the fields for many to receive.
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Let it be a reaccuring spiritual cleaninsing through out the year and not only in springtime.
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God bless each one of you, my family and friends.

 

Giving Up or Letting Go?

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GIVING UP OR LETTING GO?
Woke up with the phrase, “thoughts can kill you or heal you,” and it wouldn’t leave me alone.
Seeking undestanding, I ask the Lord, “is this a theme for a story or something else?”
As I spent my quiet time, the phrase return and it brought another idea along. Not finding the proper words to put on this feeling, I looked for a photo to help me identify what the Holy Spirit was telling me.
When I saw the leaf, a question formed, “Is the leaf giving up or letting go?”
Knowing how God works and moves me or should I say pushes me to act upon what He sees in me, I knew a reminder was being handed for my mind.
Will I be giving up what has been done in me? Or letting go and accept the change which is in hand?
Many times, I fight thoughts which push me to give up and let the dream die.
It’s a real, true struggle within me!!!
One which produces melancholy even after workouts, walks and being out in nature for hours. Usually God wakes my spirit and soon I get myself moving by doing my duties of laundry and cleaning or paying bills.
My self talk goes something like this, “Lidia, you’re a grown woman, just keep taking steps. How else can you be a witness of what you’ve said you are in Christ?”
Why am telling you this? Because I’m not alone fighting a battle which we’ve been told it’s won. Yet, no relief has come. It diverted and missed us. Well, it feels like it has for what ever reason.
Instead of standing strong against the enemy. I do as he wants, be in the front battle zone fighting for my right to be who God said I am.
For many of us, the war exist in our head more than in our heart.
We struggle with thoughts which are killing us, inside out. Once our will is done with, we have no reason to exist. Meditate on God words, are daily pills, but our thoughts of redemption and healing remain dried up. (Rom. 12:2)
Then the dagger hits home, Hope is for others, not for me.
I shared my reoccurring waking thought with a friend over coffee this morning. I mention that I wasn’t sure if it was for a story. She suggested to write a story about twins, one with the name Ican’t and the other Ican.
After she left, I had my quiet time. It was them when I saw these twins, joined by one heart, in me.
Who will win?
The one who will remain standing strong and walk in the newness of who she has become.
Is it easy? Nope. I will confront that solid steep mountian God told me about.
It will seem unclimbable before me, but with the Lord’s help, I will get to the other side which is labeled, “accomplishement.”
Not sure what you’re struggling and doing battle with today, but be assured you are not alone even though it’s a lonesome road.
Today will you chose with me to dwell and meditate on the Victory which the Lord conquered for us through His resurrection?
Let’s encourage each other today as we stand with the banner of victory on our spear then walk in faith on what has already been done and accomplished in us. (Heb. 3:13)
You maybe on a different road, but we’re facing the same enemy. Let’s keep in mind the enemy is not only finished but CONQUERED! (John 19:30)
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A Holy Wind

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“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” John 3:8

As I read these words this thought came to mind, “Where will you land when the wind of calamity blows? Nobody knows.”

Actually, the Holy Spirit knows. You will too when the Holy Wind sets the course to the place God has opened for you.

Before you move forward, wait for the wind of the Holy Spirit to reveal the way, then go even though it’s not a place you want to be. Good things wait for your arrival.

Keep in mind, God’s goodness may not manifest right away, but if you remain faithful and look towards the sunrise of hope you will find the blessings God has selected just for you. The process requires you to not only remain faithful but to ask God to help you believe in his promises to come while the mist of your unbelief fogs your sight.

Then one day, in what seems far tomorrow, at sunset you will be in awe of what God has gifted you with besides his blessings. Each blessing bloomed a precious gift which came at the right time keeping you a float, surviving the spiritual and physical trials of the storm.

Pray, Seek, Knock and Find

Troubles? Take Timeouts.

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Remember, as children when we got in trouble, we were sent to timeout?

As a parent, I would tell my kids to think about what they did wrong. While the child sat, they would have to stay there until they, themselves, identified their error and understood the correct manner of behavior. Which I had already explain to them, but they had to own their choice and decide to make better choices in the future.

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Without knowing why, today, my soul was troubled, I had the urge to go for a drive and have a timeout. Expecting to learn the error of my ways I desired to find a place out in nature to listen to what God had taught me and seem to be trying to remind me. Eagle River, Alaska came to mind. Being a place where bears are cited, I invited a friend and off we went. (We didn’t see any bears, which we were thankful after learning that this was the time for brown bears and grizzlies to be passing through to feed from the salmon runs.)

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My friend holding a mold of a grissly bear’s paw. Yikes!

 

Before leaving my place, I took time to read my devotional. As soon as I read the verses, I had the urge to leave, now. Without reading any further, I left with three questions packed in my heart. What should I be asking? What should I be seeking? And where should I be knocking? Eagerly I drove, expecting to hear definite answers from God at some point on the hike but, none came.

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For those of you who know the passage, the verses were from Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.” They’re familiar verses in the Christian community, but for me this time they had something new to teach me. I just didn’t know exactly what that lesson was, because I hadn’t identify where I stood with God.

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Seating and pondering on my day in Eagle River, which I didn’t receive answers or clarity of these verses or my errored ways, I read the rest of the devotional. It reminded me to be persistent in asking and that Jesus doesn’t recommend for us to ask, He commands for us to ask. Now that’s something to think about for my future timeout from my day.

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The devotional also said, that asking isn’t quite sufficient from Jesus’ point of view. He wants us to take it up a notch. We should seek out what we need from God and we will find it. Well asking is much less work than seeking, because one doesn’t have to do anything. While seeking takes our effort not just God’s. There are times, I just want the answer without much work on my part.

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Do you remember asking your mom for something you know she could easily give you, but she sent you out to find it yourself and then get it on your own? Well I’m wondering if that’s what God was trying to tell me, when I rather for Him to just hand it to me. I still wonder, what is it that I truly want? I sense I must go on to the third question maybe I will receive clarity.

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Knocking on the door is the final step. Well the devotional reference that the door is heaven’s door. It also mention that our asking and seeking takes us to the very doorsteps of heaven. Once there, we shouldn’t just stand there and wait, we should knock on the door. Well to tell you the truth, I’ve been afraid to knock on the door. Why? Because of what God has to offer.

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What if God gives me my heart desire only to be taken away. Maybe, I don’t want to feel that pain again, so I will not knock, then I keep what I long for in the longing place of my heart. No wonder I felt like a timeout. I needed to see the error of my thinking and correct it with truth. It is better to have had it for a short while than not to have it at all. Besides, who told me that it will be taken again and why bother having it in the first place? Who have I been listening to? Whom have I followed? I’ve listen to the voices of Doubt, Disappointment and Fear.

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They misguided me because of the troubles that have come and taken the good things my husband and I have been blessed with in Vancouver. We placed our house on the market and sold within twelve hours. We had to leave quickly that we didn’t have time to say good-bye to our friends. The move-out happened in less than two weeks from our return of our working travels. Our belongings were stuffed in storage and off we flew to Alaska to work again.

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Now, we are homeless and have no idea where to plant our life and allow roots to grow. You see, I have lived in almost twenty places in thirty-five years of marriage which includes less than ten city moves and seven states covering from Texas to Maryland to Montana to Washington and now Alaska.

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Do you see why I’m shy to knock and ask where should I be seeking residency? At the moment, we’re staying in an Airbnb in Alaska provided by my husband’s work. When he’s not working we’ll be staying with my daughter in Seattle, Washington.

I know once I knock on the door of heaven, it will be open. God will meet me and He will provide the answer. But, will it be the answer I seek? Or will He offer me the answer which is best to produce the fruits that are needed? I also know, that God will hand my husband and I not only what we need but gift us with more, with the purpose of sharing. All things do come from his storehouse and he will place the gifts into our hands for us and for us to share.

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I understand. It’s not about finding residency, a house to call home or having a dwelling place. It’s about asking and seeking where does God want us, my husband and I to bear fruit. Like the devotional said, all of our persistent asking, seeking and knocking shows God that we are serious and sincere about our desire to bear fruits like John teaches.

John 15:16  “You have not chosen Me, I have chosen you. I have set you apart for the work of bringing in fruit. Your fruit should last. And whatever you ask the Father in My name, He will give it to you.”

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Am I ready to ask, seek and knock? I am. I’ve recognize the error of my ways, listening and believing the voices of Doubt, Disappointment and Fear instead of the voice of my Shepard, Jesus himself. I should trust Him with our future, my husbands and mine as a couple and mine as an individual.

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Father, In Jesus name I come and ask to show me the way my husband and I should go and where to plant our lives to bear fruit, so that you can feed those who hunger after your precepts and desire to draw closer to you plus, to learn about your Son, the one who saves, died and rose again, Jesus, who conquered our sins, who forgives without our cost. for He paid it all. Thank you for choosing me. In Jesus name I ask, seek and knock. And in His name I wait to find a home to share of what God has in store for my husband and me.

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