Not Ready For The Holidays

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When I take a photo like this one, I know it will speak to me later at some appointed time. Today was that time for it stirred my soul.

The reflecting colors of the morning sun relaxed my soul to the point that I could hear my heart. It brought joy and happiness and contentment. But there was more and I had to quiet my mind to hear my heart and find out why I wasn’t ready for the Holidays.

You see, I love Thanksgiving just as much as Christmas time because my children would come home. it matter not that they weren’t all present at the same time. Their different path didn’t allow them. During these holidays families everywhere take time to cross paths and we did the same. We came together and shared our lives. Was it all happy and full of joy, nope.

Differences will exist no matter how tight and blessed a family maybe. Issues did surface. Respect is what one must work on when people don’t see eye to eye. Which is difficult to give when one doesn’t feel accepted for who they are or valued. And, it is difficult to give when beliefs or ideals are not the same. The challenge is not how to get along while in the same house, but how to stay in touch when they all go their separate ways.

You know why I’m not ready for the Holidays? Because I’m going to miss out on the differences that my family would have brought home. I’ve learned, their differences expand my heart and broadened my perspective. Their paths have led them where I yet to go. They’ve seen what I yet to see and they have felt what I yet have felt. Not because I might not have been in those actual places, but I haven’t with them.

The telling that I will miss, is not in words, but in their eye twinkle, their lip curled, their hands jesters when they do speak or not say a word. It’s the energy they release in the room or when they see you. Whether it is positive or negative, it is still family and one knows where that person heart is at and how to care for them.

Then there’s the physical touch that does wonders to our souls. It sends messages that words can never describe. the presence of another person in the room or the holding of hands, or an embrace, melts differences away at least for that time. One must feel safe and not be judged to be real.

I will miss, the real moments of my family.

Plus, I will not experience the emptiness that is left when they are all gone. It’s in the emptiness that gratitude is intensified. This year, emptiness arrived early. My children will celebrate with other family members and/or friends. Only one child will be present at each Holiday. I’m grateful for this blessing.

Am I sad, no, not really. This is life and I will find the most from where I am. But I will miss out on the quietness in my heart after they all have returned to their own paths.

Like the reflection of the colors on this photo, I smile today out of gratitude for the reflections of the previous holidays, which I have much to be glad about. As for my children, they are on their path and will have many different experiences which they will tell me about next time we meet.

For now, I’ll enjoy the memories, like a good glass of wine and watch the sunset.20181031_133132.jpg

 

 

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