At times what’s
Beyond the present
Overcomes the scenario
One left behind a second ago.
Along the path you will discover that you too can flee away from danger. Listen and be aware.
When one must turn back along the path take time to reflect. Keep the good and leave the bad.
Choices exist of where to walk on any path. Either choice brought you from and took you to the same place, the uniqueness of who you are.
Cee’s Which Way Photo Challenge
When I zoom in closer to Beauty, I’m engulfed by her luster. While there, her glow falls on me.
My soul releasing all cares and accept the beauty in me, which she helps me see. Before I leave, I thank her.
Not for what she helped me see, but who she represents to me. For you see, that’s what God’s love does for me.
When I draw close to Him, the shell life helped create around me, shatters. His glory and splendor baths all of me.
Mercy and grace dress me in righteousness, for I am a daughter of a King. In those moments, I see what God sees in me.
With empty hands, I embrace God’s gift, His Love for me. Before I step back, I praise and thank Him.
As I go my way, I know I am not alone for His Love dwells inside of me and goes wherever I journey.
A sunrise, a sunset, a flower or the sea will always remind me of the beauty and love which reside inside of me.
The question, what should I leave my children after I die? enters my mind and immediately vanishes. Maybe, I didn’t want to think about it.
Now with the word, inheritance bolded and in capital letters at the top of this blog, it became more than a weekly word challenge. It was a cement block. My thoughts were not moving forward to plan my writing on the subject.
I decided to take time to think and dig deep. Then one thought form. I asked my soul a question. This is what developed.
Me: “Soul, are you afraid of dying?”
Soul: “No, are you?”
Not expecting the question to be bounced back at me, it left me thoughtless for a few seconds. Soon, I acknowledged the question, am I afraid of dying? Well, no. Yet, I rather live, than to go to heaven and see God’s face.
I told my soul, “No, I’m not afraid. I’m just not ready to die. There is too much to live for.”
Then another question developed and I asked my soul, “By the way, do you know why inheritance is not allowing us to move forward?”
My soul answered, “Probably because you don’t want to face the fact that your children will not treasure what you refuse to let go.”
Me: “That was straight to the point. Do you honestly think I’m refusing to let go of those things?”
My soul: “If you don’t believe me why don’t you ask your heart. Go ahead, ask. Nothing is blocking us. Here let me wake her. she will tell you like it is, that’s if you’re ready to hear the truth. But be aware that if she senses any bit of sadness or fear, she will protect you and will help you think about something else. She will not reveal the truth, if you are not ready to hear it. If I was her, I will tell you like it is.”
Me: “Then, you tell me?”
My Soul: “I’ve tried. I’m the one who reminds you. But, you allow your heart to dictate your mind and you both run away. Here, she comes,”
My Heart: “Soul, did you call me?”
“I did, Lidia needs to know why ‘inheritance’ has block our way.”
“Oh?” My Heart looked away and stutter as she said, “Maybe we should go. Let’s look at Instagram and see how many like you have on your last post.”
My Soul: “See, I told you.”
I placed my phone down, then I said, “I just looked. Now tell me what I need to hear.”
My Heart: “Well, you see, your children will not want the things that are in the house because that’s not what they treasure. They value you. But you keep yourself away from them. If you want to know the truth, which I know you do, I will speak like your soul does. I’m their inheritance, your heart, not the things in your house.”
Stunned, I couldn’t respond.
My heart gently spoke, “This truth has been the least hurtful but enlightening., right?”
Then my spirit joined us and whispered, “The inheritance you want to leave with your kids, it’s time, making memories. That’s what you really want to give them.”
My heart said, “It is true. But, what you must leave behind will cost you the most, go to them and create lasting memories.”
I waited for my soul to say something, but all my soul did was joined us. We agreed to visit each child and make movies that will never fade.
Memories will be my living inheritance, which I chose to give each of my children and grandchildren as long as I can be involved.
You know that monent when your life is perfect?
You dare not blink cause it may just wake you?
This was my perfect moment.
I took a long deep breath before I allowed myself to blink.
Have you had a perfect moment?
How would you describe your perfect moment?
Fears, doubts, insecurities, and a spirit of timidity barged in my mind, breaking through my gates of belief, confidence and assurance. Across from where I sit to write, plots of their dirty scams scattered on the table and stare into my soul.
A mental conflict begins. Somehow, false ideas match my current internal struggles. I grasps for what is true. Before the misguided concepts settle in my heart, I compare my thoughts with the words of God. It is then when a ragging war begins. These nagging thoughts make me question my ambition and ability.
Do you have days and nights battling negative thoughts and feelings about yourself?
Well, I do. More often than not.
These ideas and feelings break through my security system, blind siding me, stopping the flow of being creative and the result is, no writing.
They rob me from the confidence which God has placed in me.
Well, you may think, I’m weak, and at times I am, especially when the drama of life has depleted me. Then again, it’s not if I’m weak or strong, it’s the goal which I’ve set before me. It is being hindered.
These negative depleting feelings and thoughts want to reconquer a part of me which I’ve taken from them. Grenades of false accusation explode leaving me fragmented and incoherent.
These mental war are powerful and can be very damaging. With the Lord’s help these wars can be won. But the enemy returns with reinforcements emphasizing past inconsistencies and failures.
Let me stop right here and tell you of a security system which is guarding my mind and heart as I type these words from these predators. It’s the Holy Spirit and the truth of the verse below.
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” NIV 2 Timothy 1: 7
Over and over again, I’ve reached within my knowledge and grasp truths much like this verse and fought false beliefs, made out of puffs of smoke. And that’s what they are, nothing. But why do they come? Or why does God allow me to face them again and again?
Well, for me, God is showing me that even though I know the truth and I practice the truth there is still a part of me which believes a lie. It’s like a ticking time bombs which blows up my wall of progress when I’m on a roll.
Believe me, when they go off, they rattle my world. leaving me baffled with ringing in my ears. It takes time to clean up the mess. To be truthful, there are times I can’t pick-up where I left off. Because, the bombing destruction left me incoherent. In time, I start where I find myself and keep going with what was salvageable.
When the verse, 2 Timothy came to my attention, I picked up four concepts from the rumble of my last bombing, timidity, power, love and self-discipline.
Now, why would I have picked up timidity? To study and recognize the enemy’s tactics. It’s a weapon which I’m not aware of its full usage. I need to set my warning lights for the next time these lies come to do war with me.
Timidity – lack in self-assurance, courage, bravery, easily alarmed, timorous, shy
Timorous – full o fear, timid
When the spirit of timidity comes and does war with me, I know to hold up God’s scepter of boldness to demonstrate where my confidence lies. I will rely on this truth again and again and again as I keep the following verses in mind.
“Do not be afraid of him, declares the Lord, for I am with you and will save you and deliver you from his hands.” NIV Jeremiah 42:11
“For you did not received a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba Father.”” NIV Romans 8:15
Truths to battle timidity, the Lord is with us, he will save us and delivers us. If we have accepted Jesus, his son, as our savior, then we are children of Abba Father and no longer slaves to fear. I am a daughter of the Most High and I’m a fearless.
Yet, fear will bring its heavy chains with him when he comes to try to imprison me again.
The second things I take a strong hold of is power. Not my power, but God’s power. Yet how does one posses God’s power? God’s power comes with and through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit empowers me with godly wisdom and knowledge. Again, I will rely on the truth of the word of God as I walk away from present insecurities.
“The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him – the spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of Lord -.” NIV Isaias 11:2
“I baptize you with water for repentance. But after me will come one who is more powerful than I, who sandals I am not fit to carry. He will baptize yo with the Holy Spirit and with fire.” NIV Matt. 3:11
Third concept to take a hold of is Love. One fact I know to be true, after the war, whether I am victorious or depleted, love for self and possibly for my Lord has been damaged. It’s difficult to keep on task when one doesn’t feel loved by anyone, God or self.
As any soldier knows, one comes home with flashbacks. For me these flashbacks usually deal with the lack of self-love. Or not feeling as if I’m worthy of the gift God gave me. The gift of story telling.
I must put on love. This love is the love of God for me and for what I have been equipped to do. With love, belief is real and the task before me is possible.
“Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” NIV Psalm 23:6
“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that yo may be able to discerned what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day or Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God.” NIV Phil 1:9
I will hold the shield of faith over my heart, for I know who loves me and never will leave me. Therefore, I will finish well.
The hardest one to pick-up and take with me is discipline. Self governing to sit and write is not challenging for me, it’s fun. It is something I enjoy. But duties and people begin to nibble on my thoughts and soon I feel guilty. The desire to write is gone, for I feel I don’t deserve the pleasure it gives me.
To go and write every day, at the same time in spite of circumstance, is naturally challenging, because of our travels. Not only do I deal with the battles I’ve mentions above, but the mental block which come with the field of writing, family emergencies, an abrupt change of schedules. Then theirs the days of sick leave one must take.
Dealing with insecurities, fears, and doubt are redundant battles and not worth my time. Yet, I must deal with the one lie, to get to the ultimate truth. I will face this, fainthearted, which haunts me day and night.
Now, I posses arrows of truth to draw from and fight the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy my zest for writing stories. I tied feathers to my scepter of boldness to remember the truths which has help me be victorious and conquered truths about myself. These feathers will remind me of the past battles which the Lord and I won together. Soon, I will add another feather.
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness a peace for those who have been trained by it.” NIV Heb 12:11
“He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding.” NIV Prov. 15:32
Self-discipline is self-governing or self-control, is something I’m responsible for, but the discipline of the Lord come through the Holy Spirit. I must allow God’s Spirit of discipline to train me.
“Since an overseer is entrusted with God’s work, he must be blameless-not overbearing, not quick-tempered, not given to drunkenness, not violent, not pursuing dishonest gain. Rather he must be hospitable, one who loves what is good, who is self-control, upright, holy and disciplined. he must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.” Titus 1:7-9
Today I move forward in faith, for this battle has been won. I go, my work waits.
I am a fighter, one who doesn’t give up easily. Success is just around the bend and I’m coming to greet the end of my next novel.
I wrote these thoughts for myself as well as anyone else who is struggling to finish what they have started. Keep in mind, the work we do brings glory to God.
Further reading on what hinders the work of God, click Tactics.
Trails have two paths.
One take you away and the other bring you back.
Today my heart is a path. It takes me away to my memories of my children and grandchildren.
But it brings me back to the present as I prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving Day without my children.
For the trail of my life has taken me far away from my family.
Yet, I rejoice for I know one day, life’s trail will bring me back to them.
One by one
Each lets go
Sway or twirl
They fall alone
Land they will
Solo or Clusters
True colors form
Someone said, “The true color of a leaf is revealed in fall.”
It’s also true of our children once they leave home.