Not Ready For The Holidays

When I take a photo like this one, I know it will speak to me later at some appointed time. Today was that time for it stirred my soul.

The reflecting colors of the morning sun relaxed my soul to the point that I could hear my heart. It brought joy and happiness and contentment. But there was more and I had to quiet my mind to hear my heart and find out why I wasn’t ready for the Holidays.

You see, I love Thanksgiving just as much as Christmas time because my children would come home. it matter not that they weren’t all present at the same time. Their different path didn’t allow them. During these holidays families everywhere take time to cross paths and we did the same. We came together and shared our lives. Was it all happy and full of joy, nope.

Differences will exist no matter how tight and blessed a family maybe. Issues did surface. Respect is what one must work on when people don’t see eye to eye. Which is difficult to give when one doesn’t feel accepted for who they are or valued. And, it is difficult to give when beliefs or ideals are not the same. The challenge is not how to get along while in the same house, but how to stay in touch when they all go their separate ways.

You know why I’m not ready for the Holidays? Because I’m going to miss out on the differences that my family would have brought home. I’ve learned, their differences expand my heart and broadened my perspective. Their paths have led them where I yet to go. They’ve seen what I yet to see and they have felt what I yet have felt. Not because I might not have been in those actual places, but I haven’t with them.

The telling that I will miss, is not in words, but in their eye twinkle, their lip curled, their hands jesters when they do speak or not say a word. It’s the energy they release in the room or when they see you. Whether it is positive or negative, it is still family and one knows where that person heart is at and how to care for them.

Then there’s the physical touch that does wonders to our souls. It sends messages that words can never describe. the presence of another person in the room or the holding of hands, or an embrace, melts differences away at least for that time. One must feel safe and not be judged to be real.

I will miss, the real moments of my family.

Plus, I will not experience the emptiness that is left when they are all gone. It’s in the emptiness that gratitude is intensified. This year, emptiness arrived early. My children will celebrate with other family members and/or friends. Only one child will be present at each Holiday. I’m grateful for this blessing.

Am I sad, no, not really. This is life and I will find the most from where I am. But I will miss out on the quietness in my heart after they all have returned to their own paths.

Like the reflection of the colors on this photo, I smile today out of gratitude for the reflections of the previous holidays, which I have much to be glad about. As for my children, they are on their path and will have many different experiences which they will tell me about next time we meet.

For now, I’ll enjoy the memories, like a good glass of wine and watch the sunset.

 

 

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Returning

MEMORIES ~ Time travel for the soul.

Revisiting the past may bring pain, but if one can endure the process, healing will follow.

A Child’s Curious Heart

My reality is placed on silence as I wonder about my grandson’s imagination

Can I go see my little house? 

I want to go inside.

A choice I had to make, do I expose the truth or tell him a lie?

I chose to show him reality, but fed him a make belief world once I closed the door back on the bush.

“Grandson, this will always be your little house. You can enter within, when you sleep tonight. Once you see the door, go inside. In there is a home, which only you can dream.”

Not sure if he understood, but I do know, he doesn’t forget what I tell him. Maybe, when he sleeps my words will return and guide him to the little red door. Then, he can create his own story.

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Daily Post Photo Challenge ~ Story

When words become unclear, I shall focus with photographs. When images become inadequate, I shall be content with silence.” — Ansel Adams

A Shocking Winter

December, 2017, in Anchorage, Alaska was considered a warm winter month. And, it was. It reached 48 degrees Fahrenheit with little snow on the ground compared to previous years, while the lower forty-eight experienced winters storm like none recorded. Plus, in early January, a shocking freezing winter hit the eastern states.

Now back while I was in Anchorage on December 27th, I decided to take my daughter hiking to see the carcass of a young whale. The high was 16 degrees Fahrenheit. It wasn’t the temperature that kept us inside but a thick fog, which lingered most of the day.

 When the sun came out we took off to Kincaide Park, only to find out the fog had not lifted everywhere. At the places where it had raised, the beauty of the hoarfrost land made everything look like a fairytale, winter wonderland. It was magical. While we were outside, it dropped at least five degrees. It was cold to say the least.

Here are some photos I took on our hike.

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The carcass of the whale appeared to be part of the landscape. But, the smell told you otherwise. The dead whale got washed to shore back in September. If you care to see a video of the day the whale was found click, here.

Hope the pictures or the video didn’t shock you too much.

If you ever visit Alaska in the winter, is best to come prepare for the unexpected hoarfrost weather or dead whale carcasses.

Misplaced Priorities Starve Relationships

Priorities don’t stay the same in a day, a week, a year or a life time. If they do, relationships become malnourished.

If I don’t place my personal priorities a side and make room in my schedule for family, memorable moments can’t be made.

My husband and I visited our two grandsons and kept them at the hotel for two nights giving their parents a much-needed rest.

Their grandpa and I worked hard to make memories with our one-year-old and almost three-year-old grandsons. If one wasn’t screaming, the other needed to go potty for the 3rd time in one hour.

Yet, we couldn’t stay serious for long because their giggles, expressions and remarks caused us to laugh and loose our stern look. Plus, their hugs and kisses softened our hearts and filled us up with joy which out shined the stressful moments.

I’ve learned two things from raising four children:

1. Memories can’t be lost, if they’re never made.

2. Once an event becomes a memory and kept in the heart, it will never vanish from your life.

Visiting my two rambunctious, but brilliant and loving grandsons required my full attention. There was no time for blogging, Facebook or Instagram. By night fall, I was exhausted. My grandsons are my only grandchildren at the moment. I pray for energy if I’m blessed with more in the future.

 

On my watch, my grandsons teach me much about their unique personality and how they see and handle life around them.

Their excitement of what we promised to come shined through their eyes.

This year started on a positive inclined for me. Yet, I have faced some slips.

I decided to look at the down rides as a child does after they’ve slid down the slide.

I will run to the next activity in my life with a glimmer of excitement as I expect a positive incline.

For God, has promised great things yet to come.

I hope you had a great week and may your weekend be an exceptional one with a positive lift.

 

Blissful

In spite of
Rising fog
Cloudy sky
Tiny Snowflakes
The Mountain range
Peeked across the sky
While the half-moon 
Shined like a Morning star

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Winsome Beauty

❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄

Letting Go Made Room For Insecurities

Fiction: Short Story Thursday

Slowly, his fingers slide between mine. My body melted in his embrace. Unwilling, my lips left his. My boyfriend held my face and whispered, “I must go.” He neared, nibbled my ear, then said, “I’ll call you.” He pulled away.

Speechless, I stare into his brown eyes.

He took a step back, blew me a kiss and got in his car.

My lips trembled. My heart raced. I couldn’t speak. Don’t go.

With his Volkswagen packed, he drove away.

His promise, “I’ll call you” splashed on my soul like an ice-cold shower, awakening insecurities. What if he doesn’t call? What if he never return? What if he meets another girl in grad school? Why didn’t I say, I love you?  Tears draped my eyes, I tightened my fists. His hands no longer in mind. I grasped the hope that he will come back and I will not be abandoned. 

Reminiscing

Like frozen steps

I remember where

We first met

You came to study

I came to work

In the library

Me not engaging

In your interest

Yet, I smiled

It’s good to look

Back, and rekindle

My heart