When I’m Weak, I’m Strong

There are days, which I’m more than ready to go full stride with my writing without telling myself, “believe, believe in your giftedness.”

Then there are those days, like yesterday, which all I could do was to muster enough will power and not get lost on the path which I’ve been on many times. The path which accomplishes nothing.

I pushed myself to move, only to have felt the dragging of my steps in familiar groves. Fear of stumbling in the old rut of ‘lack of trust’ or twist my ankle from a previous deep footprint of ‘doubt’ entered my heart. I struggled all day and didn’t return to the road of progress, which I had hoped to be on.

On days like yesterday, I normally repeat to myself, Lord, I believe, please, oh please help my unbelief. Honestly, this prayer didn’t even cross my mind. For some reason I kept expecting something bad to happen. I couldn’t stay focus on anything long enough to do or accomplish what I long, to write, to be creative or even go for a walk. My body became fatigued. All I wanted was to return to bed and sleep. By the end of the day, I was exhausted.

Today, the verse about, “My Grace is sufficient,” came to mind.

My spirit remarked with sarcasm, really Lord? I don’t think so.

I went ahead and looked up the verse, for I didn’t recall the whole passage.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

When I read, “three times,” I felt my spirit harden. It told me, “I’m not asking three times. It should have been taken care of the first time, we asked “three times.” Why must the wait have to occur, every time? Why? I’m tire of waiting.”

For some reason, a spirit of pessimism overcame me.

I wondered, where in the heck did, I pick up this spirit? Or did it just floated my way and decided I was a perfect candidate? Well, I don’t know. But, wanting to get some writing done today, I thought I should do as Paul wrote, “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Maybe then this spirit would leave me, and my mindset be on Whom and what I believe God can do through me.

It’s difficult to write when low self-esteemed conversations arise over shadowing my creativity, and questions of my true ability drown the little confidence I hold inside. The idea of being a good writer quickly slips from my grasp, when my weakness of spelling, grammar and punctuation face me each time. Plus, the fact that the proper words I want to use don’t fruition quickly, only concepts float in my mind which frustrate my heart. Last, the critique in me wins more often than I care to admit, leaving me defeated.

Often, I ask myself, “why do you need to be perfect and want man’s approval when you have both in Christ?”

My mentors’ advice return, “write Lidia, just write. Don’t worry about the errors, go ahead and tell the story. Later, return and rewrite with the help of others.”

But I don’t want others to see my mistakes. Which in itself is another weakness of mine. Yikes! Why Lord, why do you fill my head with stories that I can’t finish and at times not even start? I don’t understand, why you gifted me with this talent of story-teller?

The Lord reminded me of His Grace as I struggle with the assurance of what God sees in me.

With truth, I responded, “Yes, Lord. I know your grace is sufficient.”

Then, I heard in my spirit my Lord say, “Lidia why don’t you do what Paul did, delight in weaknesses, in insult, in hardships in persecutions, in difficulties. It’s not a delight of your weakness, but while you are in the state of being weak, delight in the knowledge that my grace is sufficient and allow the errors to be made. In other words, trust me as you obey and make mistakes. All you need to do is believe Paul’s words. Believe, when Lidia is weak, then Lidia is strong.”

Truthfully Lord, it makes no scenes to me. How in my weakness, can I be strong? How will your grace be sufficient for me? I do understand your power, yet not how it is made perfect in my weakness. Could you allow the Holy Spirit to help me understand your “grace?”

I heard my Lord say, “My Grace is many things, but here it refers to dexterity. Through my Grace you will receive the ability for the artistry which I’ve blessed you with. When you face the struggles, challenges, insults, difficulties and persecutions, I will give you the tact require to be strong as you hold on and accomplish each story.

Believe in me, in spite of your disbelief in yourself. Write and accomplish the stories.”

Lord, bring me back to this lesson when my will doesn’t want to obey, my spirit toys with disbelief and when self struggles with my old ways of thought for they return only to taunt me. I don’t want the struggle of my weaknesses, but I do desire for your divine power to be seen in me and through me so that many will trust in you.

Therefore, I will learn to say, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Advertisement

THE DESIRABLE ROAD AHEAD

Incase, you want to know why I try to post positive and uplifting words and scripture?

Because they are my personal road map to myself.

Otherwise, the negative, put down, and hindering voices make me doubt on where to head. When they come, they not only want to hang around, but navigate my life. Telling me to go back where I came from.

Often, I return to a previous post only to read what I have told myself, slamming the door on the voices of doubt, insecurity, fear and insignificance.

With the Lord’s confidence, I remind myself, I am no longer that small, timid, shrinking back latina girl.

More and more, I voice, “I am bold and courageous and daring. I’m a pillar of fire whom can’t easily be put out.

I know God has gifted me with the ability to express my thoughts and see beauty to photograph.

Through my photography I soar like an eagle as I explore where life takes me. At places where the Lord allows my feet to walk, His Spirit helps me see the beauty around.

I only need to listen and go where the light shines and the wind moves. There, I see what God wants me to see and I can’t wait to share my finds and words here with you.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. God bless each of you.

Conversing With Self

Hurry! Go.  My soul whispered.

I rushed to where the fire danced and popped. It seemed unreal. Mesmerized, I squatted. In my mind, I stepped into the cozy hot coals. The bitter winter cold vanished even though the ruby-red flames contrasted against the grand gray snowy mountains around me.

Sounds from people, family and friend diminished. Mesmerized by the fluorescent red coals, I existed alone. While the fire burned, I listened within myself.

Self: “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Me: Yes, like a ruby melting and reforming. If only I could stay here and write.

Self: “What would you write about?”

Me: “I’m not sure, for I haven’t been able to continue writing my stories. Silent, they hang on the tips of the roof of my mind like ice-cycles. I’m afraid they will melt and vanish one day. I will be left with the knowledge that I once had unfinished stories.”

Self: “Why do you suppose, they are no longer speaking to you?”

Me: “Not sure. Many times, I’ve quiet myself and sat in front of my lap top and nothing, not one peep. The only sound I hear is of an unseen ocean with my beating heart out there drifting on a boat.”

Self: “Why have you distance your heart from your stories? What are you afraid of?”

Me: “I’ve not distant my heart, wait, do you think I did this? No, I didn’t place my heart out in the ocean.”

Self: “Lidia, be real. Be truthful. See, your heart. You are the only one who can place your heart out in the ocean. Look out there for the boat. Don’t look away. Your fear could be telling you truth. You are afraid of truth. That’s why you allowed your heart to drift from your stories.”

Me: “Fear lies.”

Self: “Not all fear lies. This fear of yours is true. You’re not a good writer. Yet you are a good story-teller. Focus on the story, Lidia, just like your friends tell you.”

Me: “I’m tired of not writing well. I want to have a well written story, but my enthusiasm dies too soon after I get started.”

Self: “You have to learn to keep writing when the energy of the idea runs out. Don’t allow your story to become foreign to your own heart. Keep it close to you, pluck scenarios, story lines, details, thoughts and feelings of the character even if they may never make into the story. You have to keep the story alive. That’s your job. It’s your baby. If you don’t feed it, it will vanish. Now, start the fire and allow your story ice-cycles to melt and flow again. You have been given a gift to tell stories like no one else. Write and let someone else correct your errors. You will not create a perfect story. No one can, not alone. But you can crank on your generator.”

Me: “But, my fingers won’t move.”

Self: “Yes, your finger and thoughts will be stiff because of the cold of not being perfect. But, in no time the heat will get going and your thoughts will flow the story will breath and pump red blood again. Once it thaws out, details will drop into your mind as the ice-cycle melts. Get the page ready to catch the ideas. Remember, as you keep telling stories, your writing will become stronger.”

Me: “Thank you, for the talk.”

Self: “Don’t worry, I will remind you again, when I see that you’ve removed your heart for your stories. You are not just writing for others, but for me, self.”

Footsteps crunched the snow behind me. I came back to my surroundings. I heard my husband distant voice, “Are you coming and sledding or are you staying.”

With a smile, I answered, “I’m coming.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I started this blog back in December, and it wasn’t until today that I was able to finish it. It’s a major accomplishment for me. I’ve struggled with my writing for over a year. There are at least twelve unfinished stories on my files and I can’t seem to finish any one of them. From this self-reflection, I’ve learned that it wasn’t fear that kept me from my stories, instead it was truth.

Writing my blog posts, have been a great exercise to build my confidence and improve my writing skills. With short entries, I have less misspell words, less grammar errors and less wrong word usage. I still get wordy, but my skills are improving alongside my belief in my abilities to give what’s in my heart a voice.

To write a book, it’s much more challenging and difficult than a blog. But, if I can treat each couple of pages as a blog post, I might get myself going again and finish my next book. Now which of the twelve stories should I start constructing again?

Maybe, I will blog about my journey as I write my next book.

To be continued . . .

 

 

 

 

The Dangers of holding Yourself Back

Stifling Dreams Create Nightmares

What talent am I suffocating, because of what if it takes off?

What ability am I quenching, because of what others may think of me?

What inspiration am I killing, because of what if it succeed?

Stifling our creativity harms not only ourselves, but those whom would have benefited from our work.

In a sense, we are not only killing our growth by withholding inspiration from the world around us, but we are keeping ourselves in the darkness of hopelessness.

Breakthroughs from stifle thinking, not only brings dreams alive, but give light for many other souls to hope again through our gifts, talents and works.

Be creative, spread insight, possibilities and imagination.

Allow your dream to take flight.

Fenced, Chained and Locked

FENCED, CHAINED AND LOCKED ~ Here is where I find myself more often than I want. The good thing is, it’s happening less and less as I discover what binds me down.

Many times I know what keeps me from escaping the prison I find myself in. It’s those darn fears, crippling insecurities, blinding doubts, and the cutting words of whom I’ve given power over me.

The question is what’s binding me today? Why can’t I get to where I want to be? Why is it that the work I honestly want to get done, seems impossible to reach?

It’s not all about the will, or the heart or even the mind that stops me. It’s what I’ve been told and have accepted as truth, which isn’t mine. The words which have been spoken over me, may have a ring of truth, but they have been dunk in the murky water of guilt and control.

Have you notice, that once you’ve accepted a truth from a love one, it weight you down? It may have not been noticeable right away, but in time you began to wonder, why am I moping around and not getting things done?

Then you give yourself that pep talk which has helped you before, but you find that it’s not working. As a faith person, you’ve cried out to God and ask him for help. Which He’s faithfulness never has let you down. Even so, the familiar pressure of the chain of hinderance wrap itself tighter and tighter around your mind, heart and eventually your soul. What do you do then?

Here is what I do, I pray and wait for God’s faithfulness to help me find what keeping in bondage. In the mean time I journal. If enlightenment of what weights me down doesn’t come, I call my mentor or a friend, whom knows my struggles and ask for prayer and insight.

Today, it was words, which held some truth but have been dunked in the murky water of guilt, jealousy, envy and control. I was made aware, to take responsibility of my neglects without the negativity that came with the truth.

What’s weighing you down? Why aren’t you able to accomplish the tasks you need to do or the projects you desire to do? Whom or what are you believing about your present self?

May you find the truth which unlocks the lock. May the chains of falsehood fall from your mind, heart and soul. But most important, may Truth set you free to take care of your responsibilities and to use your gift to your potential.

God bless you.

 

Paths of Self Discovery

Along the path you will discover that you too can flee away from danger. Listen and be aware.

When one must turn back along the path take time to reflect. Keep the good and leave the bad.

Choices exist of where to walk on any path. Either choice brought you from and took you to the same place, the uniqueness of who you are.

Cee’s Which Way Photo Challenge

 

 

Where Are You?

Sometimes is not about what is near or far

Or the sky or the ground below

But, about where you are

Funneling yourself to

Look around

Not with your eyes

But with your heart.

What do you see?

Can you paint it?

Draw it?

Sing a song about it?

Maybe write a poem

or a short insert of realism

Now that you’ve seen with your heart

Touch it with your soul

What colors will you paint with?

What grays will make the lines and curves?

What melody will rise and fall?

What mood will the words create?

What truth will you be able to say?

Remember, it’s not always about what

Is near or far, above or below

But where you are presently living

Or have you run and hide

To not be hurt or heard

PLEASE! Return

Come and create

Then, I can

See you,

Hear you

Feel you

While I take

time to be

With you

INHERITANCE ~ Don’t Think About It

The question, what should I leave my children after I die? enters my mind and immediately vanishes. Maybe, I didn’t want to think about it.

 

Now with the word, inheritance bolded and in capital letters at the top of this blog, it became more than a weekly word challenge. It was a cement block. My thoughts were not moving forward to plan my writing on the subject.

I decided to take time to think and dig deep. Then one thought form. I asked my soul a question. This is what developed.

Me: “Soul, are you afraid of dying?”

Soul: “No, are you?”

Not expecting the question to be bounced back at me, it left me thoughtless for a few seconds. Soon, I acknowledged the question, am I afraid of dying? Well, no. Yet, I rather live, than to go to heaven and see God’s face.

I told my soul, “No, I’m not afraid. I’m just not ready to die. There is too much to live for.”

Then another question developed and I asked my soul, “By the way, do you know why inheritance is not allowing us to move forward?”

My soul answered, “Probably because you don’t want to face the fact that your children will not treasure what you refuse to let go.”

Me: “That was straight to the point. Do you honestly think I’m refusing to let go of those things?”

My soul: “If you don’t believe me why don’t you ask your heart. Go ahead, ask. Nothing is blocking us. Here let me wake her. she will tell you like it is, that’s if you’re ready to hear the truth. But be aware that if she senses any bit of sadness or fear, she will protect you and will help you think about something else. She will not reveal the truth, if you are not ready to hear it. If I was her, I will tell you like it is.”

Me: “Then, you tell me?”

My Soul: “I’ve tried. I’m the one who reminds you. But, you allow your heart to dictate your mind and you both run away. Here, she comes,”

My Heart: “Soul, did you call me?”

“I did, Lidia needs to know why ‘inheritance’ has block our way.”

“Oh?” My Heart looked away and stutter as she said, “Maybe we should go. Let’s look at Instagram and see how many like you have on your last post.”

My Soul: “See, I told you.”

I placed my phone down, then I said, “I just looked. Now tell me what I need to hear.”

My Heart: “Well, you see, your children will not want the things that are in the house because that’s not what they treasure. They value you. But you keep yourself away from them. If you want to know the truth, which I know you  do, I will speak like your soul does. I’m their inheritance, your heart, not the things in your house.”

Stunned, I couldn’t respond.

My heart gently spoke, “This truth has been the least hurtful but enlightening., right?”

I nodded.

Then my spirit joined us and whispered, “The inheritance you want to leave with your kids, it’s time, making memories. That’s what you really want to give them.”

My heart said, “It is true. But, what you must leave behind will cost you the most, go to them and create lasting memories.”

I waited for my soul to say something, but all my soul did was joined us. We agreed to visit each child and make movies that will never fade.

Memories will be my living inheritance, which I chose to give each of my children and grandchildren as long as I can be involved.

 

 

 

 

 

When Time Stood Still

🍂PERFECT TIMING🍂

You know that monent when your life is perfect?

You dare not blink cause it may just wake you?

This was my perfect moment.

I took a long deep breath before I allowed myself to blink.

🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂🍂

Have you had a perfect moment?

How would you describe your perfect moment?

 

Mountain Tops

 

❄PEEK AN INTEREST?❄
°
To many people, a mountain peak is just another high point.

But, for me each mountain top has its unique style, presence and lessons to teach.

I don’t have to physically climb to the tip to discover my limits and struggles.

By meditation, observations and awareness the mountain can teach me to be aware of false limits, over looked risks, and fears which are hindering my climb.

Confidence of achievement is nothing to be a shame about as long as I remember the following things.

If a peak of recognition comes my way, always give thanks, recognize those who help along the way and stay humble for it’s very easy to slip and fall. For, only a few are given such opportunity and aloud to stay at such heights.

When God grants me a spot on top, I should open the list of names who help me climbed and give them recognition and gratitude.

MOUNTAIN PEAKS AREN’T ALWAYS MADE BY NATURE.
❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄