If You Ever Find My Phone

IF YOU EVER FIND MY PHONE

If you ever find my phone, you will see all the pictures I’ve taken in the past few months.

They will show the beauty, the detail, the moment, the color, the morning, the evening, the sky, the sea, the tree, the leaf, the moose, the bear, the rabbit, the flower, the people with me, all the life around me.

But, it will never show my storms, my waves, my turmoil, my pain, my tears, my sadness, my sleepless nights, those are not the things I chose to focus on.

Yet, those experiences are what move me to take the picture of what is right before me as I hold on for dear life to the purpose of living with hope, by faith and in love.

My life is a well of emotions which helps me to pull from to write, to share, to connect with others and those whom I may not physically touch, yet understand by our similar thoughts, emotions and unspoken circumstances.

We all have wild waves to survive. Maybe even ride out in this very moment. If we do ride our waves out, survive their overwhelming power, they will push us to solid ground.

Then, we can give an encouraging word to the ones still out at sea. Give a hand to the ones that got washed from the sea. Help others walk on the solid ground we are now walking on.

Let’s be compassionate to those around us who are drowning, tumbling, and sinking.

May they sense the hope we have in God; see our faith in our Savior and Lord, Jesus in us; and feel the love of God for humanity through us.

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Pain Is Not Only Caused by Thorns

Pain will always be. The caused from the pain could be avoidable. But when love is involved, it may be more challenging to slide pass the pain. It can be managed with the correct dosage of relief.

Love will always bloom. It’s the caused of hearts admirations who may not always be suitable and avoided, yet the heart wants. It can blossom with much sacrifice, heartfelt dedication and caring fertilization, but it requires work form both individuals.

Pain comes from grasping what the heart wants, the flower.

“No one can say, “He jests at scars who never felt a wound,” for I have never got one moment been in a state of mind to which even the imagination of serious pain was less than intolerable. If any man is safe from the danger of under-estimating this adversary, I am that man. I must add, too, that the only purpose of the book is to solve the intellectual problem raised by suffering; for the far higher task of teaching fortitude and patience I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified, not have I anything offer my readers except my condition that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture the love of God more than all.” From “The Problem of Pain” C. S. Lewis

Pain comes from suffering, discomfort, injury and wounds which are not only caused by the thorns of living, but by embracing what or whom one loves.

Even in love, pain can only be bared for so long before it cripples the heart, effecting the mind and in-prisoning the spirit. It is then when one can chose to act lovingly because it’s the right thing to do. While one lives experiencing hurtful thorns in the relationship, they may continue to accomplish what must get done as their spirit becomes fragile in a mindset of unworthiness out of duty and not so much out of love. One then exist in a mental cell, never living free to truly grasp the fullness of loving unconditionally.

What once was spontaneous romance, it becomes an expected reaction. What once was adoration, it becomes sights of hateful humiliation. What once was a breath of fresh intimacy, it becomes a toxic act of selfishness.

The blooming flower of any abusive relationship will wither at the edges. Soon the peddles of happiness vanish to not be felt again. What once was to be forever will frail apart, for the heart was never free to flourish, expand and grow into a mature love while romancing another’s heart.

What imprisons a soul is not always what one has done wrong, but what wrong has been done to the one with the caged up spirit.

How can one heal from such pain, abuse, circumstances?

First one must be freed. This freedom is not only physical, it is also spiritual. Both may be needed in order to feel safe. Through the help of a godly counsel, a person who is equipped with godly truths, the captive can hear words of healing. Even though the advice may bring further pain.

To heal a broken bone, more often than not surgery is a must. It is also true of a healing broken heart. Pain can cure pain. Managed pain can be a cure for unmanaged pain.

The ones who have been locked up by tormenting verbal abuse, threats of fearful actions, belittlement of their essence, physical scars of unspeakable tortures and reoccurring nightmares of past experiences need more than a therapist, they need a Savior. They need someone with the good news and the Spirit of the Lord God on them.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is on me, because the Lord has chosen me to bring good news to poor people. He has sent me to heal those with a sad heart. He has sent me to tell those who are being held and those in prison that they can go free.” Isaiah 61:1 NLT

Once the person has been spiritually freed then one can take the words of C. S. Lewis and meditate with much prayer to see how they can be apply to their hurting soul.

“It will take a little courage more than knowledge.” Within this little courage fear will exist.

“It will take a little human sympathy more than much courage.” With the little sympathy heart’s warm is felt.

“And the least tincture of the love of God more than all.” With the least bit of God’s love an overwhelming freedom appears.

Where can an impressoned soul get a little courage, a little human sympathy and a slight trace of the love of God? From the person the Lord has chosen to bring His good news.

The Lord will give the person’s sad heart joy, free to learn to love again and live a life of possibilities. Once the captive sees and accepts the Lord’s hand, the messenger must tell the one being held in hellish circumstance, that they can walk out and be free.

Once freed, there is where the healing begins. It will not be fast. One will be needing spiritual therapy. Continual mentoring exercises. With well-soul check-ups scheduled. One must learn to trust themselves to love again inspire of the thorns to come.

To guide someone to be spiritually free, one must have been set free themselves by the Lord Jesus Christ. These chosen people understand well the phrase, “He jets at scars who never felt a wound,” for they have felt the wound. These individulas know pain is caused by reaching to love the unlovable, to bare the unbearable, to give when there’s no more to give.

Yet these chosen people of God will stretch out their hand and give godly grace for they know what the cell room smells, feels and looks. They have empathy for those who are still captives in the cell. It’s an experience they will never forget nor ever want live through again.

Giving Up or Letting Go?

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GIVING UP OR LETTING GO?
Woke up with the phrase, “thoughts can kill you or heal you,” and it wouldn’t leave me alone.
Seeking undestanding, I ask the Lord, “is this a theme for a story or something else?”
As I spent my quiet time, the phrase return and it brought another idea along. Not finding the proper words to put on this feeling, I looked for a photo to help me identify what the Holy Spirit was telling me.
When I saw the leaf, a question formed, “Is the leaf giving up or letting go?”
Knowing how God works and moves me or should I say pushes me to act upon what He sees in me, I knew a reminder was being handed for my mind.
Will I be giving up what has been done in me? Or letting go and accept the change which is in hand?
Many times, I fight thoughts which push me to give up and let the dream die.
It’s a real, true struggle within me!!!
One which produces melancholy even after workouts, walks and being out in nature for hours. Usually God wakes my spirit and soon I get myself moving by doing my duties of laundry and cleaning or paying bills.
My self talk goes something like this, “Lidia, you’re a grown woman, just keep taking steps. How else can you be a witness of what you’ve said you are in Christ?”
Why am telling you this? Because I’m not alone fighting a battle which we’ve been told it’s won. Yet, no relief has come. It diverted and missed us. Well, it feels like it has for what ever reason.
Instead of standing strong against the enemy. I do as he wants, be in the front battle zone fighting for my right to be who God said I am.
For many of us, the war exist in our head more than in our heart.
We struggle with thoughts which are killing us, inside out. Once our will is done with, we have no reason to exist. Meditate on God words, are daily pills, but our thoughts of redemption and healing remain dried up. (Rom. 12:2)
Then the dagger hits home, Hope is for others, not for me.
I shared my reoccurring waking thought with a friend over coffee this morning. I mention that I wasn’t sure if it was for a story. She suggested to write a story about twins, one with the name Ican’t and the other Ican.
After she left, I had my quiet time. It was them when I saw these twins, joined by one heart, in me.
Who will win?
The one who will remain standing strong and walk in the newness of who she has become.
Is it easy? Nope. I will confront that solid steep mountian God told me about.
It will seem unclimbable before me, but with the Lord’s help, I will get to the other side which is labeled, “accomplishement.”
Not sure what you’re struggling and doing battle with today, but be assured you are not alone even though it’s a lonesome road.
Today will you chose with me to dwell and meditate on the Victory which the Lord conquered for us through His resurrection?
Let’s encourage each other today as we stand with the banner of victory on our spear then walk in faith on what has already been done and accomplished in us. (Heb. 3:13)
You maybe on a different road, but we’re facing the same enemy. Let’s keep in mind the enemy is not only finished but CONQUERED! (John 19:30)
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When I’m Weak, I’m Strong

20190413_093341-1.jpgThere are days, which I’m more than ready to go full stride with my writing without telling myself, “believe, believe in your giftedness.”

Then there are those days, like yesterday, which all I could do was to muster enough will power and not get lost on the path which I’ve been on many times. The path which accomplishes nothing.

I pushed myself to move, only to have felt the dragging of my steps in familiar groves. Fear of stumbling in the old rut of ‘lack of trust’ or twist my ankle from a previous deep footprint of ‘doubt’ entered my heart. I struggled all day and didn’t return to the road of progress, which I had hoped to be on.

On days like yesterday, I normally repeat to myself, Lord, I believe, please, oh please help my unbelief. Honestly, this prayer didn’t even cross my mind. For some reason I kept expecting something bad to happen. I couldn’t stay focus on anything long enough to do or accomplish what I long, to write, to be creative or even go for a walk. My body became fatigued. All I wanted was to return to bed and sleep. By the end of the day, I was exhausted.

Today, the verse about, “My Grace is sufficient,” came to mind.

My spirit remarked with sarcasm, really Lord? I don’t think so.

I went ahead and looked up the verse, for I didn’t recall the whole passage.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

When I read, “three times,” I felt my spirit harden. It told me, “I’m not asking three times. It should have been taken care of the first time, we asked “three times.” Why must the wait have to occur, every time? Why? I’m tire of waiting.”

For some reason, a spirit of pessimism overcame me.

I wondered, where in the heck did, I pick up this spirit? Or did it just floated my way and decided I was a perfect candidate? Well, I don’t know. But, wanting to get some writing done today, I thought I should do as Paul wrote, “boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” Maybe then this spirit would leave me, and my mindset be on Whom and what I believe God can do through me.

It’s difficult to write when low self-esteemed conversations arise over shadowing my creativity, and questions of my true ability drown the little confidence I hold inside. The idea of being a good writer quickly slips from my grasp, when my weakness of spelling, grammar and punctuation face me each time. Plus, the fact that the proper words I want to use don’t fruition quickly, only concepts float in my mind which frustrate my heart. Last, the critique in me wins more often than I care to admit, leaving me defeated.

Often, I ask myself, “why do you need to be perfect and want man’s approval when you have both in Christ?”

My mentors’ advice return, “write Lidia, just write. Don’t worry about the errors, go ahead and tell the story. Later, return and rewrite with the help of others.”

But I don’t want others to see my mistakes. Which in itself is another weakness of mine. Yikes! Why Lord, why do you fill my head with stories that I can’t finish and at times not even start? I don’t understand, why you gifted me with this talent of story-teller?

The Lord reminded me of His Grace as I struggle with the assurance of what God sees in me.

With truth, I responded, “Yes, Lord. I know your grace is sufficient.”

Then, I heard in my spirit my Lord say, “Lidia why don’t you do what Paul did, delight in weaknesses, in insult, in hardships in persecutions, in difficulties. It’s not a delight of your weakness, but while you are in the state of being weak, delight in the knowledge that my grace is sufficient and allow the errors to be made. In other words, trust me as you obey and make mistakes. All you need to do is believe Paul’s words. Believe, when Lidia is weak, then Lidia is strong.”

Truthfully Lord, it makes no scenes to me. How in my weakness, can I be strong? How will your grace be sufficient for me? I do understand your power, yet not how it is made perfect in my weakness. Could you allow the Holy Spirit to help me understand your “grace?”

I heard my Lord say, “My Grace is many things, but here it refers to dexterity. Through my Grace you will receive the ability for the artistry which I’ve blessed you with. When you face the struggles, challenges, insults, difficulties and persecutions, I will give you the tact require to be strong as you hold on and accomplish each story.

Believe in me, in spite of your disbelief in yourself. Write and accomplish the stories.”

Lord, bring me back to this lesson when my will doesn’t want to obey, my spirit toys with disbelief and when self struggles with my old ways of thought for they return only to taunt me. I don’t want the struggle of my weaknesses, but I do desire for your divine power to be seen in me and through me so that many will trust in you.

Therefore, I will learn to say, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.”