Woke-up Apprehensive

20180430_082513.jpgLord, calm my troubled spirit.

Apprehension woke me. Why? I had no clue.

When my spirit sends alarming signals before my brain fully awakes, panic usually follows. Worry sketched out memories of past hurts, disappoints or troubled times. Like a bulging suitcase, those experiences erupted screams in my head, causing a migraine. Before I knew it, they run rampant like rudely, undisciplined children. Past disasters resurrected, wracking my morning with darkness. I didn’t want to face the day.

In a prayer, I sent and SOS to the Lord before worry dresses my heart with apprehension. But panic opened the gate and I began to wonder, what have I forgotten to take care, which child is facing hardships, or will an  old issue poke its head to destroy the peace and joy I have?

I wondered, why was my spirit troubled?

Then I asked the Lord, “What should I have done to prevent this unsettling feeling within me? Would being more watchful over my self instead of others, praying instead of playing, listening instead of photographing nature, time meditating instead of social media?

Something within me said, you should have been more astute. Astute, is not a word I use. I knew it was the Holy Spirit talking. I looked up the word, for I really didn’t know what it ment.

Then I heard, “Prepare yourself for the turbulence that’s coming.”

I asked, ” Lord, is this message from you?”

A confirming feeling came over me. Then, I knew why my soul was troubled.

The unpacked past issues came to mind again. I couldn’t stop them from painting their sketched images and adding a new possible scenario. Once, I sat down to journal the annoying voices were hushed away.

I was thankful, my Lord warned me or else apprehension would have come along and chained me with the heaviness of fear and the cloud of confusion.

A question entered my mind, is this really from God?

I stopped writing, I prayed, if this message is from you Lord, keep me astute, Then I will be watchful and ask you to help me when worry, apprehension, anxiety, confusion and fear crowd to enter my mind and fall into my heart. Please don’t allow me to become crippled by these hindrances and enslave me again.

After my prayer, my room became brighter as if the sky became bluer and the morning sun shined bright into the space I sat. Yet, the light gray blanket of clouds covered the sky and blocked the sun. Then I felt a warmth, much like the sun in summer landing on my back.

I told myself, if God permitted this disturbance to come my way today for my growth. Then I reminded myself of who held me, Jesus, He will protect and guide me as I lived on. Then the Holy Spirit led me to the verse in Philippians 2:13  For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.”

Today, May 6, I remind myself, trust God’s process, remain faithful and give no room for doubt or fear to reign. As soon as they show their presence, run to Jesus for help.

Fear was a god in my life, who I would obey without me realizing it. I listened and reacted to its triggers. But now those triggers send me to Jesus.

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Fret Appeared As A Flick

Philippians 3:13-14 “I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.” MSG

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I received a phone call saying that one of my son’s is not doing well and is thinking of quitting his job for a lesser one.

Let me back up four months past.

My oldest son was involved in an automobile accident. He was rear ended by a van going at 60 mph totaling his car. He, his wife and two young son were in the car at the time. Thankfully, no one else was hurt, only him. After three months of recovery, he returned to work, but he’s not the same.

The neck injury is effecting one of his hand. He’s unable to hold on to things. As his mother, my heart broke again as I heard the news. This son has faced one challenge after another without much of a break. Some of those are of his own doing, but others came as magnets not releasing him until the lasting damages had taken its course, much like this one.

When I’m riding on God’s Eagles, His promises, like the verse in Philippians and receive heart tugging news of one of my children struggling, I want to land the eagle and ask my child to climb aboard.

But, I can’t.

I can only call and point to the Lord’s almighty eagle for them to climb on.

Before fret ignited full-blown worry in my soul, I pointed my son where the Holy Spirit led me. I couldn’t believe my eyes as read, Isaiah 4: 10.

“. . . I’ve picked you. I haven’t dropped you.’
Don’t panic. I’m with you.
    There’s no need to fear for I’m your God.
I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.
    I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” msg

My hope is that my son climbed aboard.

Trusting my God gave no room for the flame of worry to crash me to the ground of uncertainty and disbelief. I continued to soar on my eagle. For, I must press on to the goal God has before me.

Without a doubt, I knew the Lord reached down to my son. All my son needed to do was to take His Lord’s hand and climb on His promise.

Holly Spirit minister to my son’s spirit as you have minister to mine. Help him to hear what God wants him to know. Direct his path along the side his Savior. Lord, strengthen his faith and belief in You.

God, please give my husband and I wisdom on how to advice our son, or not to speak, plus being the godly parents he needs at this time. Thank you, for all you are doing and will do for my son and his beautiful family.

May you find encouragement in God’s word and my story.

Soar on Eagles Wings. (Click on soar and wings to listen to songs.)